Trials and lessons…..
This has been a difficult few weeks and when things pile up, one after the other, the temptation is to wonder if and when it will ever slow down or give some respite to the seemingly constant barrage of physical and emotional battles that are both the cause and result of the onslaught of difficult circumstances in one’s life. Here’s a timeline of current and emotionally battering events, all of which are out of my hands and any control of man.
- June 13 – The last time I was able to spend a few minutes with the man I have grown to love over the past several months, not knowing if or when we will meet again. It was both a sweet moment and a loss at the same time.
- June 16 – We, the community that was formed and bonded at Glen Cove / Sogorea Te made our presence and feelings known regarding the desecration of a sacred place. This was happy in that we all could come together in our common purpose and love for the ancestors and the land, and sad at seeing what a mockery they had made of the ancient burial and gathering place.
- June 19 – My spirit sister, angel sister, sister of heart and soul, was placed in an induced coma in an attempt to relieve her of some of the pain associated with her rsd.
- June 20 – Twospirit seized while in the coma.
- June 21 – Twospirit flat-lined while in this coma and I can only attribute her recovery from that to the powerful love and prayer that was laid down by friends and family. My nephew, who was not supposed to hear about this, did, and asked me what flat-lined meant. I could not lie to him and he was so scared.
- June 24 – Twospirit is brought out of the coma and does not know who she is, her husband, her son, nothing.
- June 25 – A little memory returns and Twospirit remembers her immediate family and me, but even more recent memory is still missing. This is also my father’s birthday. He passed from this world at the age of 49 and it was a day of much reflection and some sadness.
- June 26 – My sweet sister asks her husband and son where two of the boys she raised, Christopher and Eric, are. Both have passed in the preceding two years through traffic accidents. She experiences this as a loss just known, losses she had just recently come to terms with.
- June 26 – The place where I have been staying in Oakland has received a notice for everyone to relinquish possession of the property, giving me (and others) cause for concern over where any of us will be living in the very near future. This means homelessness for many of us.
- June 27 – My great-uncle Clay passed at the age of 93, a release for him, but for those of us who love him, a sadness at the presence we will miss and more reflection on the impact he had on all our lives. Few in my family have ever been as encouraging and accepting as this dear man. I knew him my entire life and his spirit will always be with me and the rest of the family.
Through all of this, I have been waiting for a package containing keys and a deed to a home, which was given to me by my sweet sister and her husband. I was asked, back in May, to be the guardian of my nephew should something happen to my sister and her husband. The incredible love in this act gives my heart great pause and great joy. The US Postal Service, however, bungled the delivery the first time and sent the package back to Texas. It wasn’t found for over a month. This caused all of us a great deal of anxiety and continues to do so. The second mailing was on June 15 and it has yet to arrive here in Oakland, California, having been mailed from Austin.
On the bright side and though born of anxiety and fear, my nephew, wohali galisgia (Dancing Eagle), and I have grown much closer, through his mother’s current ordeal. I have had a chance to get to know him better, to be there to answer his questions about things happening to his mom. He is a beautiful, tender heart, not jaded by our ‘society’ or ‘civilization’ except for what he sees as attempts to do his family harm. He didn’t want to burden his already sad father with the questions he had so as not to increase his father’s sadness, and I gave him my ear and my shoulder and we have bonded in a sweet and loving way that was the result of my sweet sister’s health situation.
There are many positives to be seen through all of this, but while the variety of situations were escalating and the anxiety of not knowing, the emotional battering by circumstance was creating in my own heart the temptation to throw up my hands and quit. I took this and cried many cleansing tears and prayed and received a multitude of prayers from my relations, near and far, and credit this with my ability to smile and know that none of us are alone unless we choose to be. There are many lessons to be learned, to be taken from these experiences, as there is with all of life. Each moment, each interaction has something to teach of us if we only listen and pray on it. Thank you creator for the opportunity to learn and to grow and for the reassurance that even when I feel most alone, I never am. Peace and bright blessings to you all. Mitakuye oyasin. A’ho.