I am who I am
I am who I am. When I went to watch my daughter at her 2nd DJ job and 1st truly public DJ job, I found myself talking to and getting a lot of love and respect from her friends, old and new. It occurred to me while talking to a few of them that my kids truly don’t know the person that I am. It also dawned on me that her friends were reacting to who I am and how I allow others to see and hear me. For years I allowed myself to be beaten down to the point where there was very little of my spirit, my true self, visible. To be perfectly honest, I often felt I was gone. Over the last few years I have been able to recover myself and nurture that little flame inside that very often felt as though it had been extinguished. My children are all grown now and it is up to them to decide if they want to get to know me as the person I’ve always been, a person they have never really known. I am who I am. You are free to like me, love me or not, but that freedom is yours, I cannot and will not own it or control it. I cherish my freedom and my very much newly found ability to just be me. I am growing and learning by leaps and bounds and want my life to ever remain so.
So who is Red? Red is an elder who has very recently learned to accept the love and respect of those around me. Honestly, it was a bit overwhelming at first, but I have been able to embrace it since learning to love and respect myself. Red loves people and feels both the joys and sorrows of this world with an intense empathy. She is fiercely loyal to the people she cares about and the causes that have chosen her. Yes I know I’m mixing my first-persons and third-persons and whatever, but I am writing from the heart, not from a mechanical, syntactical stance. I have found through loving and giving to others, regardless of my financial ability to do so, that loving and giving and respect comes back to me a thousand fold, if not more. I believe that humanity has an incredible potential to do the right thing for each other and for our mother earth if only we could stop being distracted by the ever-increasing ‘need for greed’, ‘need to accumulate wealth in material form.’ Loving and sharing are at the root of who I am. If I have something you need or I can share with you, it is yours. Some have taken advantage of this aspect of my nature, but for the most part it has enabled me to thrive with next to nothing (financially.) I have the love and respect of many. I have a roof over my head (albeit temporarily) and there is always a little something to eat when I have none. I am often asked how I can smile when things look down or when I’ve goofed up on something. “How can I not?”, I reply, “for if I didn’t I’d be in tears.” Tears are sometimes necessary, I see them as cleansing, but more often than not, smiling your way through a situation has much greater power in your heart.
Through both my life’s joys and its challenges, those who care and reach out to others are always there. Who you are and how you reflect to the world draws the like- and love-minded to you in amazing and beautiful ways. This was equally true when I was emotional train wreck. You attract what you put out to the world and I choose to show my true nature of love, respect and sharing.
Smile at yourself, laugh at yourself, especially if you’ve messed up or feel down. The simple act of smiling brings a peace all its own, it is powerful medicine.
Peace my friends! dohi oginali
While you’re here check out a few causes I’m currently involved with: