Assault and Healing
I did not write or talk about this to most when it happened. I did not feel ready for questions and I don’t know what else. I am opening this to my circle now because I need you, your support, your thoughts, your prayers to join with mine for added strength in working through this. On Wednesday, July 25, at approximately 5:30 a.m., I was sexually assaulted by a total stranger whose face I do not know. It was dark as night in the house. My screams upon waking and the screams of my housemate in the loft above me startled this intruder enough that he ran out the front and moments later I heard the sound of tires squeal. The people who live in this house and on the compound have rallied around me in order to help me feel better, to feel loved, to feel free to weep, be scared or whatever I need to be. The one thing they cannot do, despite the increased security measures, is help me to feel safe. When I woke this morning it was after having a dream of what happened, only unlike the real situation, I could not wake up and the consequences were much worse. I am so very thankful that C. was in the loft above me, for if she had not been the assault would have taken the tone of the dream.
Part of not feeling safe here or anywhere around here is that I do not know the face of my attacker. It could be any male walking down the street at this very moment and I would not know. It is such an ugly and helpless feeling. I long to be away from the city and would be if I had my own transportation. My vehicle was stolen in Texas before I last returned to California.
The place where I am staying is not a ‘legal’ residence. It was recently purchased by a bank, who is working on breaking up this community. I will NOT bring legal authorities into this situation. There is nothing they can do without some kind of identification of the person and it would put the friends who have helped me and loved me into harm’s way.
I ask my friends for added thoughts, prayers and even ideas. I am helping myself by getting support and counsel at the Native American Health Center here in Oakland. I can’t say enough good things about the folks who work there. I know that in this world, as it is, there is NO perfect safety, but this RED woman needs some semblance of safety to continue healing.
I am Red, I am strong, and with the Creator and strength and prayer of my circle, I know that I can get there.
I love you all! Ho!♥♥♥♥